


Lover or Friend

by Savannah_Vee



Category: Black Dagger Brotherhood - J. R. Ward
Genre: Angst, Friendship/Love, M/M, Male Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2012-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-06 13:35:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savannah_Vee/pseuds/Savannah_Vee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a falling out, Blay and Qhuinn come to a few realizations about their friendship...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lover or Friend

Qhuinn picked up his cell and stared at it for five whole minutes.

Unsurprisingly, its square face only stared back at him, the reflection of his mismatched eyes seeming to mock him.

Frustrated, he threw the thing down by the foot of his bed – only to have it start flashing and vibrating the moment it hit the mattress.

Qhuinn cursed as he scrambled out from under the comforter and reached for the phone. He snatched it up and looked at the name flashing on the screen –

Only to be sorely disappointed.

Which he shouldn't have been. He knew Blay wouldn't be calling him anytime soon, not after what happened yesterday.

He answered the phone with a sigh, his naked body settling back under the comforter as he did.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" the female voice purred. "You don't sound too happy."

He cursed again silently. This chick was the whole reason his best friend was ignoring his calls and refusing to talk to him. And she hadn't even been that great a lay.

"I'm fine." His voice was low, gravelly, and he had to clear his throat. "What's doing?"

Her silky voice held a smile. "Nothing. I'm bored; the night's still young. How about we hook up again?"

Yeah, he was _so_ not up for that. He grimaced, baring his fangs in disgust.

"Maybe another night."

He hung up before the girl had a chance to respond, and put the phone on his bedside table. Then he stretched out on his back, his large hands resting under his head, and stared at the ceiling.

And of course, the cobweb of cracks on the ceiling morphed into a face, a handsome male's face with wavy hair that was probably red...

"Shit," he cursed again, turning over onto his stomach.

That didn't help either. Soon the wrinkles on his pillow began to bear a striking resemblance to his best friend.

So he tossed it.

Flung it right over his head so it sailed across the room and over to the door –

Which a certain red haired male had just opened.

:::

Blay's hand automatically reached up to catch the pillow, his superfast reflexes a result of all the training they'd had with the Brothers.

He stared at the thing like it was a six pound baby that had just shot out of Qhuinn's ass.

And speaking of Qhuinn's ass…

The male was naked and laying on his front, the comforter slipping off his large, muscular body and hanging over the edge of the bed.

Which meant that Blay could see half of his ass.

He blushed, even though he'd seen the guy's ass on numerous occasions, usually when he was banging a chick senseless, but this was different. This was in Qhuinn's room, on Qhuinn's bed. And there was no girl in between them now.

Qhuinn twisted around to lie on his back again, startled, when he realized Blay was in the room. And that damn comforter just _had_ to slip down even further as he did – meaning Blay caught a glimpse of Qhuinn's sex.

And man, even flaccid the thing was impressive.

Blay looked away, tossing the pillow back on the bed, _hoping_ it would miraculously land on Qhuinn's groin and cover him up a little.

No luck on that front.

He shuffled where he stood. Scratched the back of his neck. What did he come in here to say again? Qhuinn's naked-as-the-day-he-was-born routine had totally made him lose his train of thought.

And as if he realized this, Qhuinn pulled the comforter up to his chest, tucking it under his armpits.

Which was a shame. That body of his being covered up like that.

"I'm sorry –"

"I'm sorry –"

Their voices mingled, a harmony of baritone and bass.

Qhuinn looked surprised, his mismatched eyes narrowing under furrowed brows. "What are you sorry for?"

Blay shrugged and awkwardly shoved his hands in his pockets. "I shouldn't have lost it over that chick."

Qhuinn shook his head. "But I shouldn't have tried to get you to… you know. I should never even _ask_ you to do that."

Blay's blue eyes lowered to his feet. "Most of the time I don't mind doing it. If that's the only way I can get close to you then…"

Blay didn't finish. He didn't need to finish.

Qhuinn cursed under his breath. "But you _should_ mind, Blay. Christ. You should find someone, someone you can be with. Properly."

Blay shrugged and said nothing.

And his silence said what they both already knew, didn't it. Blay only wanted to be with one person. And he was currently standing in that person's room.

:::

Qhuinn couldn't get rid of the guilt. It sat on his chest and he could feel it pushing against his heart every time he breathed.

And he _should_ feel guilty, because sure, he'd told Blay that nothing could ever happen between them, that he'd never be with him like that, that ultimately he saw himself being with a female, but truth was, he was being a cock tease. Telling the guy he couldn't have him, and flaunting that fact in his face every time they went to ZeroSum and he hooked up with someone was bad enough. But _asking_ him to join in too?

I mean, what kind of fucked up thing was that to do to a person who, you knew, was in love with you? What kind of fucked up thing was that to do to your _best friend_ , for that matter?

And here the guy was, apologizing to _him._

Qhuinn looked at the male, at his kind blue eyes, at his striking, pretty boyish face, at his lustrous red hair, the perfect length for running your fingers through, and he asked himself _why_ he always wanted Blay to join in with his sexcapades.

But he already knew the answer to that question, didn't he.

And that _guilt_ that pushed against his chest every time he looked at Blay? Yeah, he so knew that wasn't _just_ guilt.

You see, truth was, Qhuinn was in love with his best friend too.

But he couldn't be with him because, well, having mismatched eyes made him a freak enough. Having a male as his mate too? Yeah, that would totally take him into join-the-freak show-circus territory and he wasn't willing to go there.

Sure, vampires weren't too hung up about males doing males. It was really no BFD. He'd messed around with a lot of males since his transition. But a male having a male mate wasn't very common, and he knew that if he ever got with Blay, it wouldn't just be a sex thing.

Which was also the reason why he refused to have sex with the guy.

He sighed, causing Blay to finally raise his eyes to look back at him. They stared at each other for a long moment, neither of them saying a word until Blay broke the eye contact first.

His eyes shifted to back down to his shitkickers and he frowned. "Yeah… so I ah, just wanted to apologize." Blay's hand ran through that gorgeous hair of his and Qhuinn couldn't help but think, again, how great it would feel between his fingers. "I'll see you around."

:::

Blay turned to go, his footsteps heavy and echoing on the hardwood as he walked over to the door. He reached for the doorknob and pulled the door open a fraction –

Only to have it slammed shut again by a muscular arm.

Before he had time to react, his body was pushed up against the door, and Qhuinn's naked body was pushed up against him.

"If we do this," Qhuinn's voice was a breathless whisper in his ear, "this is all it's going to be. I can't… be your mate. Ever."

Blay could already feel the male's straining erection, thick and hard, pressing into his ass crack. Which kind of made it difficult to think clearly. And was probably the reason he felt himself nodding, agreeing to being best friends _with benefits_.

He felt Qhuinn's hips undulate against him and his own erection took all of three seconds to pop up.

Qhuinn was already panting, his lips at the base of Blays throat, planting hungry kisses there and the sensation made Blay's head fall back, made his eyes roll back and his jaw drop. It was everything he'd imagined it would be like, and more.

And he wanted more.

He tried to turn around so he could be face to face with Qhuinn instead, so he could kiss him on the mouth, but Qhuinn's naked hips were as immovable as a cement block, pinning them both to the door.

"Can I kiss you?" Blay asked.

And Qhuinn froze, his lips immediately cold on Blay's throat.

"I… I can't. Not on your mouth."

And those words brought Blay back down to the real world, out of that aroused induced coo coo land he'd risen up to the moment Qhuinn's body had touched his.

He couldn't do this. No way. It would only end up hurting him more, as well as risk jeopardizing their friendship. And truth was, as much as it hurt being best friends with the guy you were in love with – who made it clear he wasn't interested in you like that, it was better to have that friendship than to have nothing at all.

Blay slowly shook his head, but he didn't need to. Qhuinn's body had already left his; he'd already taken about five steps backwards.

Blay turned around to look into the mismatched eyes of his best friend, and again, they stared at each other in a silence that spoke volumes.

And that was when Blay finally realized.

His love wasn't unrequited. Qhuinn was in love with him too.

Did the realization shock him? A little, but not much, because he also realized that somehow, subconsciously maybe, he'd already known. And as he stared into those mismatched eyes, eyes which he thought were the most beautiful he'd ever seen, he suddenly figured out why Qhuinn didn't want to be with him like that. No, why Qhuinn _couldn't_ be with him like that.

And he understood. Of course he did. He was the only one who truly knew what assholes Qhuinn's family had been, how they'd made him feel like he was a freak of nature, a mutant in an otherwise perfect family simply because of those gorgeous green and blue eyes of his. Of course the guy wasn't about to go jumping into another sea of abnormality.

"I'm sorry," Qhuinn whispered.

And Blay could only do what a guy was supposed to do when he knew his best friend was probably feeling like shit.

He hugged him.


End file.
